I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
