I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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