it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
