I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
