I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
