Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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