apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
