Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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