That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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