You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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