i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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