there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
