Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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