i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
