Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
