peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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