I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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