I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
