She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
