he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
