I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
