So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
