there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
