I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
