i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
