A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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