the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
