I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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