Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
