well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
