I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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