She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
