Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
