Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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