can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
