I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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