Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you had me at cake vodka
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize