i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
