so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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