after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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