Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My pussy is not your playground.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
