Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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