I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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