she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
pray to the hookup gods