Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
