I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂