i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
