Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
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To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
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I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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