In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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