Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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