I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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