I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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