So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
