take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
