cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
