The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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