i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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