Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
