So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
