i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
