Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
