I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize