the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
