the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
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she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
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Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME