Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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