plz talk dirty to me
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread