when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."