I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I intend to get homeless drunk
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.