Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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