Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize