Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
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You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
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Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...