im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.