It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
