ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
