I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
