If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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