ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
