Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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