i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
