You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
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I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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